


Big Gay Phone Tree

by sosgay



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BAMF Uzumaki Kushina, Gen, Multi, Uzumaki Naruto Being an Idiot, she has ADHD and I Love Her So Much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29186214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sosgay/pseuds/sosgay
Summary: Kushina Uzumaki loves her son. Sure, he's an idiot, and sure, he started dating that Hyuuga girl mostly because he thought he was supposed to, but he has a good heart. She's going to focus on that, and not on the monumental chaos he's causing in his high school.
Relationships: Implied Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto - Relationship, Namikaze Minato/Uzumaki Kushina, Referenced Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	Big Gay Phone Tree

It’s a common saying that parents know their children better than they know themselves. Or is it? Kushina isn’t sure, but she definitely knows Naruto better than he does. She loves her son with the whole of her being, but she also knows that he is, to put it kindly, a real dumbass. 

So she’s a little bit surprised when, at the tender age of fourteen and a half, he brings home the Hyuuga girl and introduces her as his girlfriend. She exchanged a look with Minato, then they’d immediately welcomed her. And really, she’s so glad that she’s had the chance to get to know Hinata. Kushina doesn’t want to criticize another family lightly, but Hinata’s parents are absolutely piss-poor at parenting. Minato completely agreed, and they’d resolved to keep inviting Hinata over even when Naruto breaks up with her. 

Oh, that was the point of this train of thought—she’s known that Naruto was gay since he was about five. Not because of any stereotypes or anything, she’s not close-minded like that. She just knew, the same way she knew that he’d end up in some type of leadership position and never grow out of his selective blindness. 

“When do you think Naruto’s going to come out to us?” She asks Minato when they’re getting ready for bed. 

He smiles sleepily from the bed. “I don’t know. He seems pretty happy with Hinata.”

“Hinata still blushes when they hold hands on the way to school.” She finishes combing through the last section of her hair and jumps into bed, shoving her cold toes against Minato’s leg. 

“Hey—Kushina! Stop!” He scrambles away, pouting. 

She giggles and snuggles down under the covers. The fall has been unusually cold. She hopes that means more snow this winter, and not just the dreary grey chill that's been soaking into her bones recently. 

“Do you think we should get real maple syrup soon?” She asks, turning to face Minato. 

He hums thoughtfully. “It would be nice. We could make pancakes.” 

She nods enthusiastically. “And waffles!”

“Let’s do it.” He yawns, rolling over and wrapping an arm around her waist. She shifts around and strokes the pale hair on his forearm. She’s so in love with him it’s overwhelming, sometimes. 

She thinks about waffles and snow as she drifts off to sleep. 

The next morning dawns bright and warm, and she pries herself out of bed to chug a cup of coffee before kicking Naruto’s door open. His room is approximately as messy as usual, which means it should probably be cordoned off as a toxic waste dump. Minato can’t look at it for longer than a minute before his eye starts twitching and he heads for the leaf-blower, so she’s on wake-up duty. 

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!” She yells, thumping a mini carton of milk on top of his head. He grumbles and swats at the weight, sitting up and chugging it with his eyes still closed. 

She pats him on the head and heads out to pack lunch. Minato handles dinner and most big family meals, but she can pack a mean tupperware of leftovers. 

Naruto rolls out of his rooms fifteen minutes later and waves groggily. “Morning mom.” 

“Morning, fish. Do you need a ride today?” 

“Nah, I’ll walk to the metro. I’m gonna study at a friend’s today so I might not be home until late.” 

“Sounds good. Dad’s making stir fry, if you’re not home we’ll save some.” 

Naruto sticks his head into the fridge and rummages around. “Is he gone already?” 

“No, he’s out on his run.”

“Great! He can make me eggs.” 

Kushina rolls her eyes. “You can make them yourself, you know.” 

Naruto smiles bashfully. ‘Yeah, But Dad makes them so tasty! Mine are always weird and soggy.” 

“It’s because you never make them!” She waves the fork she’s holding in a threatening gesture. “If you can’t even make scrambled eggs you’ll never survive college.” 

“I’ll buy instant ramen, it’s fine.” he slides out of the room. “I gotta change tell Dad thank you!!” 

“Brat!” She yells after him, half-joking. It takes her five more minutes to finish their lunches, and then she starts gathering her papers for classes today. She’d gotten distracted while grading last night, so half of the essays are marked up and piled on a chair and the other half are scattered across the dining room table.

“I can finish these in between ethics and the lab meeting, and then they’ll be ready for the seminar. Or I can work on them during the morning meeting and they probably won’t notice…” 

The door clicks open and Minato wanders in, cutting off her rambling. He waves as he passes through the kitchen, making a beeline for the shower. 

“Wait!” She yells. “Your son wants eggs.” 

He turns and gently pouts. “I have to be in the office by eight today.” 

“It’s barely 6:45, you’re fine.” 

He sighs and walks back into the kitchen, opening the egg carton and pulling out a bowl. “Maybe we spoil him.” 

“Never.” She breezes by and kisses him on the cheek on her way to the shower. 

“Kushina!” he protests. 

“I’ll be out in fifteen!” She promises and starts pulling her PJ shirt over her head. She hears a squawk as she kicks their bedroom door closed, and smirks. 

Three eggs, two showers, and a minor coffee spill later they’re all out the door. Minato locks and double-checks the front door, and Kushina pulls her car out of the tiny garage. They’d considered moving out to the suburbs when Naruto had been born but decided to stay in the city limits. Their townhouse is larger than most, but the parking’s still abysmal. 

She weaves through city traffic and half-listens to the radio as she considers her classes for the day. She’s having more undergraduate classes than usual, which may or may not be the department’s revenge for that spicy op-ed she wrote over the summer. But it could be worse. Her undergrads are sweet this year, and she always appreciates how enthusiastic they are about reform. It rejuvenates her, and a few of them usually end up interning at Minato’s office, which is always hilarious. 

“Kushina!” Someone calls her name as she’s hefting her bags out of the backseat. She looks around. 

It’s Mikoto, her old friend and occasional collaborator. “What are you doing on campus?”

Mikoto kisses her on the cheek, mindful of her armful of papers. “This and that. I’m working on a paper with Shikaku, we’re meeting today.” 

“That’s lovely! I need to catch up with him, he owes me a round of proofreading.” 

“He’s a terrible proof-reader, he’ll spill the tea on your rough drafts.”

“Ugh, I know,” Kushina giggles. “How have you been?” 

“Busy, as always. We just got a new kitten and she’s been tearing up the living room.” 

“Oh my goodness...do you have pictures?” 

“Of course!” Mikoto pulls out her phone eagerly, then spots the time. “Actually, do you want to come to meet her in person? I could use your input on our methodology, we could do tea this afternoon.” 

“I’m free at four! That sounds like so much fun.”

“I’ll see you then!” 

They wave goodbye and Kushina grabs the last of her stuff before heading to the stairs. Her classes fly by; she gets the grading done, and there’s a close call with the leftover curry and an essay. 

She makes it out just after the afternoon parking garage rush and drives towards Mikoto’s house. They live in the same neighborhood, which was perfect when Sasuke and Naruto were young. Are they talking again? Kushina is greatly bemused by her son’s relationship with the Uchiha boy. She has an on-going bet with Mikoto on whether they’ll start dating or not, but that’s been put on hold since the Hinata revelation.

She parks about as close to the house as she can get and walks the rest of the way. Fallen leaves crunch under her feet, and she happily inhales the scent of fall. Thanksgiving is coming soon...who are they inviting this year? She needs to talk to Minato about that, there are probably politics involved. Ew. 

She skips up the stairs to the Uchiha townhouse and rings the doorbell. Mikoto answers a moment later. 

“Kushina! Come in, I’m starting some tea.” 

“Ooooh, what kind?” She hangs her coat up on the rack and kicks her shoes off. The interior of the home is lovely, traditional without being cold or stuffy. 

“We have oolong, and green tea, and a nice new herbal blend. You can look through them!” 

“I think I will.” Kushina hears something familiar and looks up. Was that...no. She’s hearing things, it’s just music coming from upstairs. 

They browse through the tea cupboard as the water boils, chatting quietly about work and family. Apparently, Itachi’s in the middle of a big internship with the FBI and has been under the supervision of one of their mutual friends. 

“He said Kakashi did _what_?!” 

Mikoto laughs. “I know, I couldn’t believe it either. He’s apparently lightened up recently.” 

“That’s good,” Kushina muses. “I’ll have to text him soon, I want him as a guest speaker.”

“He actually talked in front of Sasuke’s class a few months ago, and he really enjoyed it.” 

“Hmm, odd that Naruto didn’t mention that. Kakashi is one of his favorite uncles.” She shrugs. “He’s been weird recently.” 

“He’s fifteen. All fifteen-year-old boys are weird.” 

Kushina sighs. “Why didn’t I get a daughter? It would have been so much easier.” 

“Be glad you only have one boy,” Mikoto says ruefully. ‘I’m outnumbered three to one.” 

Kushina pats her on the shoulder. “You’re a saint.” 

‘Well, it’s technically two to one now!” Mikoto brightens. 

“The cat! Yes!”

“Her name is Murasaki, but we’ve all been calling her granny-cat. Her face is...you’ll see,” Mikoto explains, walking out to the living room. 

“How old is she?” 

“She’s about ten weeks old, so still a tiny baby.”

“How adorable,” Kushina coos.

Mikoto pulls a bag of treats down from a high shelf and starts shaking it, calling for the cat. Kushina looks around, peering under the couch trying to catch a glimpse of fluff. 

“She must be upstairs,” Mikoto says, walking towards the staircase. “She likes to hide in the boys’ rooms.” 

Kushina follows. “Aaaw. I should get Naruto a pet. He might not do well with a cat, but a dog would be nice.” 

“He is a bit rough and tumble for a cat,” Mikoto agrees. 

They wander through the upstairs hallway. The master is empty, so they walk back towards Sasuke’s room. Music is blasting, and when Mikoto knocks there’s no reply. 

“Should we leave him alone?” 

“He’s just studying with a friend.” Mikoto opens the door and yells, “Sasuke! We’re looking for the cat!” 

Kushina peeks her head in and freezes. Her son is there. Hmmm. Her son is in Sasuke’s room, half-asleep, with his head tucked into Sasuke’s neck, arm wrapped around Sasuke’s waist, their legs tangled together. It feels unbearably intimate somehow, and she knows she wasn’t supposed to see this. 

“Um. Hi Sasuke.” 

Sasuke makes eye contact with her and flushes bright red, scrambling up to a sitting position and shoving Naruto away with a hissed: “Idiot! Get off!” 

Naruto looks up and blinks sleepily. 

“Hi Ms. Uzumaki,” Sasuke says weakly. 

“M...Mom? Mom!” Naruto flails and falls off the bed. “Augh! Why are you here?”

‘We’re looking for the cat,” Mikoto explains brusquely. “Is she here?” 

Sasuke points over at his desk chair, where a small ball of fur is sleeping. Mikoto strolls in and picks her up, immune to her sons’ mute horror. 

“Thanks, Sasuke. We’ll leave you two alone.” 

”See you at home, Naruto!” Kushina waves, suppressing her laughter. 

They make eye contact as the door closes. Two seconds later Sasuke’s voice, lowered in panic, filters through the walls. 

“Let’s go downstairs,” Mikoto advises. 

Kushina nods. 

They sit on the couch and Kushina coos over the tiny cat. She can see why they call her granny—her face is adorable scrunched and grumpy, and it looks like she’s covered in wrinkles. She sits contentedly on Mikoto’s lap, gently purring. 

“She’s so perfect,” Kushina sighs. “I love her.” 

“She’s a tiny angel.” Mikoto agrees. 

Kushina runs to the kitchen to grab their tea, and when she returns Mikoto is gazing thoughtfully up at Sasuke’s room. 

“Do they do that often?” Kushina asks, handing over a mug. 

“This is the second time this month I’ve walked in on them like that. But you know how they

are.” 

Kushina nods. “I wonder if...well.” 

“They’ll work it out.” 

“You’ve already won the bet at this point, so,”

Mikoto grins. “I’m well aware. What was the prize? Unlimited babysitting duties for six months?” 

“Your kids don’t need a babysitter!” Kushina protest. “They’re mature young men! Itachi moved out two years ago!” 

“The cat is still very needy.” 

Kushina considers. Baby-sitting the cat would be nice. She’s very adorable. “Cat sitting sounds fair.” 

“We really shouldn’t be gossiping anyway. The paper, tough,” 

“Of course!” Kushina crosses her legs and sits back. “Tell me more about your methodology, I’m very interested in what you two have cooked up.” 

Naruto is cagier than usual for the next week and doesn’t mention the incident at the Uchiha house. Kushina gives him space. He’s clearly working through something, and she doesn’t want to interfere. She makes sure to text Kakashi, and they set up a lunch date. He hints about some big personal news, and she tries to convince Minato to investigate. He doesn’t. 

They’re sitting down to dinner the day before the school’s sweetheart dance (which Kushina only knew because of how much Naruto has complained about his suit) and Naruto has been completely silent. 

As they’re finishing up the last of their rice and Naruto has only moved food around his plate, she looks over at Minato. He nods. 

“Naruto, honey, is there anything you want to talk about?” 

Naruto looks up at them, eyes large. He clenches his fist, takes in a deep breath, and blurts out, “I’m gay.” 

Kushina blinks. Minato drops his chopsticks. 

“Thank you for telling us,” he says, recovering first. “We love and support you no matter what.” 

As he’s talking Kushina rushes out of her seat and pulls Naruto into a tight hug. “Oh, Naruto, I’m so happy you finally told us.” 

He slowly returns the hug. “You aren’t surprised? I thought…”

Minato stands and puts a comforting hand on Naruto’s shoulder. “Your Mom and I have known for a while.” 

“But I just knew today!” Naruto protests. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Kushina chuckles, her throat tightening. She squeezes him harder. “It wouldn’t have worked if we told you, you know.” 

He scowls. “Yeah, but then I could have told everyone sooner.” 

“Maybe you should take your time before you tell anyone else,” Minato advises. “This is a lot to think through, and if you just realized today you have a lot of adjusting to do.” 

“Do you want to talk to a counselor?” Kushina asks anxiously. “I know some really good ones who specialize in LGBT family therapy.” 

“No, I’m fine. But I just want people to know! I don’t want to hide it. I...I don’t think I can hide it anymore.” 

Kushina strokes a hand through his hair. “No matter what you do we’ll support you. And we won’t tell anyone until you’re totally comfortable.” 

“Thanks, Mom.” 

She steps back and lets Minato pull him into a hug. She’s so proud, and so scared, and has so definitely lost that bet. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Minato reassures Naruto as tears well up in their eyes. Kushina can feel her own tears spilling over as she looks at them. Her stupid, beautiful, loving boys. They’re both so dumb. 

She steps back over and Minato lifts his arm, turning it into a group hug. 

“We should get a dog,” She says, voice messy with tears. “I want a big one that’s really fluffy.” 

Minato laughs. “As a coming out present?” 

“Can we please?” Naruto looks up at them. “Can we pick it out this weekend? I want an orange dog, to match my room.” 

“That sounds like a plan.” 

Kushina nods. “Naruto, I’m so glad you’ve told us. Will you eat your dinner now? It’s getting cold.” 

Naruto giggles and they all slowly pull back from the hug. He sits back down to eat and chatters about the dog and his classes, back to his cheery self. Kushina reaches over and laces her fingers with Minato’s. _We did okay_ , she thinks. _We’re going to be okay._

Her lunch with Kakashi is the next day, and she makes it fifteen minutes before he guesses. 

“Naruto came out to you, didn’t he.”

She gasps. “How did you know?” 

He shrugs, visible eye twinkling. “I had a feeling. He acted a little bit weird after I came into his class to talk.” 

“Why did you do that?” Kushina asks. “I didn’t think you knew anyone at the school.” 

“Ah, well, I met their teacher and…”

“Iruka? How did…” She squints. “Oh! Congratulations! Why didn’t you tell us sooner?!” 

“We were trying to be private. We have a lot of mutual friends, so.” 

“I’m so happy for you, Kashi. You both need to come over! Minato will make ramen.” 

He agrees, and they’re chatting about her most recent paper when his phone starts buzzing furiously. 

“Sorry, let me just…” He’s reading the text and his eye widens comically. 

“What? Is everyone okay?”

He silently holds out the phone and she skims through the messages. More flow in while she’s reading. They’re from Iruka, and the first few are just all caps—screaming. She catches Narutos’ name and blanches.

“He didn’t.” 

“He apparently did.” 

“Oh no,” she whispers. “Isn’t Ino the Yamanaka girl?”

Kakashi nods. 

“Her family is literally the CIA.” 

He nods again. 

“Everyone in their school is going to know before lunch.” 

“Apparently,” he says, reading the newest text, “they all knew before third period, and...oh no.”

“What?”

He holds out his phone again. It reads ‘sorry gtg hinata is here ill send more updates later love you’

“Oh no,” She whispers. 

“He told her first, right?”

Kushina clears her throat. “I… don’t know. He just told us. They don’t usually see each other before the afternoon. She was coming over tonight to get ready for the dance.” 

“That’s tonight?” 

“Yep.”

Kakashi sighs. “Oh, Naruto.” 

“He’s so stupid.” Hysteric laughter bubbles out of her throat. “Is it my fault? Could I have taught him to not be a colossal idiot?” 

Kakashi pats her on the arm. “I think it’s Minato’s problem more than anyone’s.” 

“Oh my god,” She moans, dropping her head onto the table. “What am I going to do? Has he broken up with her? What’s his plan?” 

“I doubt he has a plan.” Kakashi leans back and takes a sip of his water. “Maybe you should leave the country for a while.” 

“Her parents are going to kill us,” she whimpers. “They already didn’t like him. They’re going to sue us for emotional damages, I just know it.” 

A waiter passes their table, and Kakashi waves him over. “Two mimosas, please.”

He sees Kushina’s posture, raises an eyebrow, and promptly agrees. 

It’ll be fine, Kushina thinks. They’ll get drunk, and she’ll text Minato something embarrassing, and she’ll cancel her afternoon class, and when Naruto gets home she’ll tear him a new one. They won’t have to leave the country. She’ll have to talk to Hinata, make sure she knows that it’s not her fault and she’s still welcome in their home. Mikoto will laugh, they’ll all go to pride together, and they’ll get that big orange dog. They’ll be fine—they’ll be great, even. She knows this just like she knows everything else. 

**Author's Note:**

> so this was inspired by a tiktok video i saw yesterday. it fits just,,,so well with nart's general obliviousness and ino's gossip skills. here's the link, go watch it it's hilarious https://sos-gay.tumblr.com/post/642041351157022720
> 
> also come say hi on tumblr, i'm sos-gay and i post fun stuff 
> 
> thank you so so so much to @punch0ut for beta'ing, I'm so bad at commas it's a crime


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